If I asked you to 'Name all the things you love' how long would it take before you named yourself?
Experts agree that unconditional love for yourself is the most crucial thing, yet its the hardest to achieve... We as humans have a tendency to create a self sabotaging cycle. This all begins with a thought or decision we have made, yet the majority of the time if asked, 'why do we believe this to be true?' it actually isn't.
We approximately have over 50,000 thoughts a day and if we started each morning on a negative thought, how long do you think it would take before this cycle began to take over your entire day? It can too easily become a pattern!
If we are not giving unconditional love to ourselves then we go looking for it elsewhere and you are most likely to go looking for it from people who are not actually capable of giving it to you. Therefore, we need to stop looking every where else for the answers and realise you already have everything you need inside of you.
The power of the mind is truly remarkable and the sooner you realise you are the most important project you will ever work on, the sooner the unconditional love for yourself can begin to grow, flourish and become a way of life. Because when you don't love yourself, all you are doing is blocking the flow of love to the rest of the world then suddenly, there is not enough love to go around.
1. Give Yourself Permission To Focus On You
Give yourself permission to put yourself first!
I'm forever telling clients, everyone has their own journey to follow and when you stop focusing on this you may begin to see blockages in all things you try to do or implement. Simply, you are riding someone else's train and lose focus on your own. It is wonderful and selfless to give your love and time to others. However if you continue never giving this back to yourself, your physical, mental and emotion state suffer the consequences, along with those people around you.
When you are depleted, you may get resentful about the things you do for others, and you may end up so exhausted that you get sick. It is OK to nurture yourself so you better care for others. In fact, it should be non-negotiable!
2. Say "No"
You may associate the word 'No' as a negative, however if you are saying it to give back to yourself then its actually the most sincerest form of unconditional self-love you can give yourself.
If you love yourself, would you really stay in that relationship where all you do is give of your time and energy, get nothing in return but disappointment and heartache? Of course not! Unconditional love for self means you say 'no' to unloving acts towards you. And you, out of self-love, remove yourself from hurtful situations and negative people who don't offer you equal love in return. Sadly, some people can only be loved from afar.
3. Forgive Yourself
When was the last time you forgave yourself?
We all make mistakes... some minor and some major, however we do not have to continue to carry the guilt or shame for those actions around with us forever. In every situation there is always a lesson to be learnt and our past wrongs can actually clue us into what we hold important and show us that they no longer are in line with our morals and values.
Can you forgive yourself? If your answer is 'no', you are not loving yourself unconditionally. If it is 'yes, but', the same applies. There are no 'buts' in unconditional love. It holds no circumstance, no attribute, nothing against the person.
Forgiveness is important as its the final form of self-love.
4. Celebrate Yourself
When was the last time you gave yourself praise for something wonderful you've done? Probably too long ago...
If you took time to review the things that make you special and who you are - skills, gifts, values and what sets you apart from others, what would you find? If you have trouble with this, then ask your family and friends! So often, others see things in us that we cannot see ourselves. It's time you realise how amazing you are and take stock in all the accomplishments you have achieved. A great way to do this is, write them down in a journal or notebook and reflect upon them when you feel it is necessary. Accept the wonderful person that you are, including your flaws, and contentment will follow.
5. Know You Deserve It
When you look at family and friends and can easily say "they deserve love and happiness" then why don't you?
Tina Trans quoted "The first step to loving yourself begins with the words 'I matter' you deserve to occupy space and to stand up for yourself and claim your right to happiness". You have just as much right as the next person to feel unconditional love. So I ask you to work on this daily, and know It is an ongoing battle as after all we are only human. However its one worth fighting for, just as you would in a relationship. We all deserve love, so today do yourself a favor and start learning to F.L.Y (First Love Yourself) creating a new positive, beautiful and loving energy for yourself and those family and friends around you. You'll thank yourself later!